Museum of Appalachia

Day 2 (continued) - Diverging slightly from the plan, we headed next to the Museum of Appalachia, the private collection of one man who dedicated most of his life to collecting the artifacts and stories of the rural Appalachian way of life.

The museum is really over 30 buildings on a sprawling farm, including some huge ones which house thousands of artifacts, and some actual period buildings moved from private property into the collection. The grounds, covered in goats, peacocks, roosters, and turkeys, were lively and wonderful.

Just the first building took us from plates used to counterfeit money, to a postman's bear skin coat,

to a perpetual motion machine (parts missing), to local Native American artifacts spanning thousands of years, 

to amazing homemade musical instruments, to a look at the death and burial process.

Then we visited the live musicians who play every afternoon in one of the old buildings...

and finally toured the other buildings and gawked at the animals (including some hilarious posturing turkeys).

One of the best museum visits ever, for sure.  And we don't talk about my brief stay in the klink anymore.

~Mary

I came to groggily.

I was thoroughly confused...and outdoors?  Were those goats?  What the heck?

I realized I was lying down, so I sat up and blinked several times, trying to clear my head.  A moment ago I had been inside the Museum of Atomic Energy, facing my own clone and the prospect of having an evil lady wizard for a friend, and now I was...staring at a peacock?

"Oh, now what?" I muttered.  The peacock looked at me.

It said, "Welcome to The Farm."

I said, "...Are you a peacock?  And did you just speak to me?  Wait.  What farm?"

"The Farm.  Where all the Replaced end up," the Peacock answered.  "What species would you like to be?  The yak could use a friend."

"I don't want to be a yak.  I want to be me," I protested.

"You can't be.  There's already a you.  And are you sure?  The yak is very friendly, he's just lonely."

"I don't want to be a yak.  I mean, how would that even--never mind, you're a bird!  I shouldn't even be having this conversation!"  My head was starting to hurt.  "Look, can you just tell me where Mary or the other me is?  I need to get this straightened out."

The peacock seemed to consider it, pausing long enough to peck at the ground and swallow a small pebble.  When its beak was empty again, it said,  "Try the McClung house."

I won't waste time detailing the ridiculously complicated time I had of finding the McClung house (suffice to say it involved a fiddle 'n riddle competition, a still that drank whiskey instead of distilling it, and a prehensile band saw). But I did.  And there she was:

 I'd like to say we had a tense stand off, exchanged blistering remarks and had an epic duel.  But the moment she saw me, she bolted like a bat out of hell.  It turns out that though she was a convincing double on the outside, she was also dumb as a brick, and I had no trouble catching her someplace I was sure she wouldn't be able to escape easily:

Now, to find Mary and get out of this bizarre Farm!

~Amanda

Museum of Science and Energy

 Day 2 - We took a quick drive from VA into Oak Ridge, TN. Along the way, I learned the valuable lesson that a CD player works best when the CD is inserted into the player, not the adjoining storage compartment.  First minor crisis solved.

Oak Ridge is a town built by the US government for the express purpose of figuring out how  to refine uranium for the Manhattan Project.  Never mind that other people happened to be living on that land at the time.  So what do you get after a town is built solely to support nuclear research?  Unfortunately, no 3-eyed fish or glowing inhabitants.  However, much like the Springfield Isotopes, most of the town is covered in atomic symbols.

Amanda contributed to the war effort with a good Rosie the Riveter interpretation...

... while I decided to get more down and dirty.

The rest of the museum was full of a lot of science-museumy normal stuff, but, having had our fill of playing with cool sciency stuff, we snuck into the restricted area.

What happened in there, well, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information, but sufficed to say, after all that hard work and time passed, we decided to try a new brand of fast food for us, Krystal.

What was the most dangerous part of the day - the risk of radiation, the CIA cover up, or the artery clogging culinary investigation?  I think you know what the answer to that question is:  Classified.

~Mary

The Museum of Atomic Energy was fun.  We read displays, took some funny pictures.

At one point, though, I realized we must have separated to look at different stuff.  Having seen everything of interest to me, I went to try and find her so we could hit up our next destination.  Weirdly, I couldn't find her anywhere.  I asked around to see if anyone'd seen her, but they were no help, which was odd, because I already knew we were being watched (People in Tennessee dress really strangely, don't they?).

Little did I know, Mary already knew exactly where I was.  

I was starting to get annoyed, when I finally spotted her...which made me start to get uncomfortable.

I asked her what she was doing in a bizarre, blue-lit cave inside a family-friendly science museum.  She said something vague about "testing the parameters," which I assumed was a Star Trek reference and laughed off, suggesting we move on.  She said okay, after I show you this one last interesting exhibit.  Fatefully, I said okay.

What happened after that, I'm not really sure.  I know there were computers.  It was some kind of control center, which was pretty cool.

But then....

 I and my doppleganger both turned to ask Mary what was going on, but....

I think I heard her yell something about the power of Merlin, but I can't be sure.  It's all hazy.  I don't know how much time I missed, but I do remember that when I was fully conscious again, I knew this trip was certainly not going according to my plans.

~Amanda

The South by the Numbers

An unscientific survey, based on observation and conjecture

• Ratio of Dollar General stores to inhabitants --- 3:1 (AL and MS)
• Armadillo roadkills per mile (highway) --- 3
• Native diet --- Fried chicken
• Ratio of Shoney's to inhabitants --- 1:5
• Ratio of Starbucks to inhabitants --- 1:10,000
• Twang of drawl --- increases proportionally to proximity to the Equator
• Ratio of Baptist churches to inhabitants --- 1:7
• Ratio of non-Protestant churches to inhabitants --- 1:850,963
• Primary indicator of church holiness --- size/quantity of crosses displayed in front of church (1 large cross = 3 medium crosses)
• Average gas price (per gallon, AL and MS) --- $3.61

~Mary

Foamhenge

Day 1 - We drove through the rolling Appalachians in style in our Nissan Versa, accompanied at times by the sounds of Spring Awakening, Godspell, and Ben Folds.

Set in the rolling hills is a hengy miracle of foam, "Foamhenge," built out of over 4 tons of styrofoam, or was it out of 16 tons of rock by neolithic Brits, or by Merlin?  You decide.

It was good that one of us was skilled in both anthropology and applied archeology, as this phenomena was worthy of expert investigation.

One truly feels connected to the ancient Foamians and their sun rituals.

~Mary


We were just about to leave when we heard some odd scrabbling sounds coming from the foam behind us.  Mary figured it was just rodents, but I wanted to investigate.  I  turned around and BAM!  I was paralyzed!  Rooted to the spot and unable to move, while a mysterious cloaked figure demanded of us, "Who violates the sanctity of the eternal Foamhenge?"

Being paralyzed by his magic, I could only stare dumbly and wonder.  Who was this man?  A Jedi?  Gandalf?  Dumbledore on a bad day?  Then I remembered...the sign!  The builder of Foamhenge had left a number of written warnings that I hadn't taken seriously; Foamhenge was supposedly guarded by Merlin, the ghost of a Foamhengian enthusiast who had himself cast in plaster so that he might always watch over Foamhenge and protect it from hoodlums.  My unnatural silence must have attracted Mary's attention, because as I stood still, desperately trying to think of way out of my predicament, I heard her exclaim, "Wow, a statue!  I'm taking a picture!"  I tried to shout, to warn her of the danger, but Merlin and I were stuck staring at each other, a battle of wills.  It turns out I needn't have worried.  It seems that photography is the thing to break Merlin's magic, because as soon as Mary's camera shutter clicked, Merlin was naught but plaster and I was free to move again.

Mary breaks Merlin's spell.

How Mary knew this vital piece of information, she would not say.  "I thought everyone knew that," she said.  Keeping our cameras aimed steadily at the enchanted statue, we were able to back out of Foamhenge and make our escape.  But before we departed, Mary stopped, turned back towards the henge, saying nothing, and merely pointed at the foam construction, like a baseball player calling his shot.  I had the sense that something strange and powerful was going on, but there was no time to investigate further; we had a schedule to keep.  And Mary didn't seem inclined towards explaining any of it.  

  

 (I wonder what I may have gotten myself into.)

~Amanda

Where We Think We're Going

Our intended itinerary is as follows.  Where we'll really end up - well, you'll just have to read more to find that out.

• Foamhenge
• Museum of Science and Energy
• Museum of Appalachia - moved to earlier in trip due to extra time
• Old Stone Fort State Park - added, based on suggestion by mandolin player (see above)
• Jack Daniel's Distillery Tour
• Moundville State Park
• Edwards Cactus Plantation
• Vicksburg Civil War Battlefield Military Park
• Beidenharn Coca Cola Museum - had to skip in interest of time
• Poverty Point State Park
• Houston Chinatown
• NASA Space Center
• National Museum of Funeral History
• Hobbit Cafe
• Texas Prison Museum
• Dr Pepper Museum
• Starship Pegasus
• World's Largest Caterpillar
• Crater of Diamonds State Park
• Hot Springs National Park
• Toltec Mounds State Park
• Graceland Fashion Exhibit
• Minister's Treehouse
• Restaurant Shaped Like a Burger, Fries, and Milkshake
• World's Largest Guitar